I was talking with a friend of a friend a few weeks ago. He and his wife both work good jobs and make a decent salary. They’ve got a couple young kids not quite school age yet. Let’s call them Sam and Trisha.
Sam works about a half hour away, but can work from home whenever he wants. In the past, he would go into the office once every week or two and work from home the rest of the time. Since the pandemic, he actually has not gone into the office at all. His productivity is the same, and he’s thinking about permanently working from home.
Trisha on the other hand has a career that requires her to be in the field. She has to physically report to work daily without exception. The big problem is that she works well over an hour from work. On heavy traffic days it can take close to 2 hours. Her average roundtrip to work is 2-3 hours, usually closer to 3.
That means Trisha is spending about 15 hours per week commuting. She has to get up before 5 AM and normally doesn’t get home until past 6 PM. Sam and Trisha want to live downtown, so they purchased a 2-bedroom condo in downtown San Diego a few months ago. It’s a decent sized place and the kids have done well sharing a room so far, despite the usual arguments little kids have.
The problem remains though, the 3 hour average commute has not gone away. They both say they want to live downtown, but they don’t go out nearly as much as they used to. They also don’t take advantage of some of the other downtown activities they used to enjoy.
Most of their friends moved out of the downtown area a couple years ago so they don’t have the social connections like they used to. Now and then, others ask them why they don’t move closer to her work. There are few good reasons to stay living downtown.
Trisha talks a lot about her commute. She hates having to get up extra early just to make it to work on time. That’s followed by an afternoon commute in bumper to bumper traffic. There are some days she sees her kids for only an hour or two before they go to bed. She doesn’t like having to spend upwards of 3 hours in her car Monday through Friday.
If this couple were to make a comparison list of living downtown vs moving closer to work, it would look something like this:
| Living Downtown-Advantages | Moving Closer to Work-Advantages |
| · Cooler weather
· Lots of bars and restaurants we used to go to a lot · More things to do on weekend · Closer to the beach · Live closer to friends · Cooler vibe · More walkable · Used to living downtown‑know our way around
|
· Cut at least 2 hours of Trisha’s commute time daily
· Get to spend more time with kids · Be more involved in community · More time with family on weekdays · Time to cook · Exercise more · Go for walks and bike rides with family · Spend way less money on gas and car maintenance (around $2,500/year or more) · Use money saved on gas and maintenance to invest · Would be able to keep car longer (put over 30,000 miles on car last year) · Home by 4:30 or 5:00 most days, instead of 6:00 · Extra hour of sleep or time to workout in the morning · Less stress from driving so much · Time for fun activities after work · Happy hour with work friends on Friday’s · Still can go downtown on the weekends (with less traffic, and don’t have to be on time) · Would feel overall happier · Can easily afford a good sized house with a large backyard · More space for kids to run around · Room for a home office for Sam |
Looking at this list, the better choice for this family seems clear. The advantages of moving closer to work far outweigh living downtown.
So why doesn’t this family move? Or the bigger question: Why do people in general accept less than optimal life situations?
Why? If we asked ourselves this simple one-word question, we could transform our lives. Asking why challenges us to look deeper into our lives and make improvements.
It challenges us to assess and evolve. To see if what worked yesterday and last year is still the best thing for us today. Life changes; people establish themselves in a career, meet new friends, gain new interests, and sometimes have kids.
Asking why takes a macro perspective of life and gives you the power to make adjustments. Those adjustments in turn can make your life better.
Asking why is healthy. It’s a sign that you are growing and getting better. Legendary University of Michigan football coach Bo Schembechler said, “Every day you either get better or you get worse. You never stay the same.”
Asking why is the first step to getting better. It’s identifying the issue. Once an issue is identified, you can take action to make the improvement. In Sam and Trisha’s case, asking why would prompt a move. The single decision to move would lead to myriad new benefits, and the complete elimination of Trisha’s biggest problem.
In what area of your life could you most benefit from asking why? What actions would that lead to? How would your life change for the better?
